Monday, April 20, 2009

Choosing Domestic Infant Adoption

Our plans to move forward with another adoption seem to be progressing quickly - well, as quickly as something I desperately want to be done yesterday can go. Our process with even getting to getting started this time differs so much from last time. We've done so much more thinking and evaluating programs and agencies, searched the city and our souls for the elusive balance of highest-integrity adoption and our desire to honor our family's needs and limitations. 

After evaluating foster-to-adopt and toddler adoption programs, we decided they are not a good fit for our family. Talking with a variety of friends and professionals, they affirmed that based on our values and life situations, fostering probably would not work out well for us. In the end, it looks like we'll be working with WACAP again, through the African American Infant program.  They have a long-standing program with competent staff, effective systems and education classes. 

As it turns out, I adore newborns.  I could live and breath them every day and never get enough. So I'm beyond excited at the idea of bringing a new wee being into our home.  My senses swell with anticipation of holding, nursing and kissing this new little person for hours and days and months. 

And, I find I'm a little afraid to talk about our choice, especially on-line.  Really, honestly, in my mind I believe that in a functional world, all babies belong with their first mamas.  Yet here we live in this way less than perfect world and I'm about to reap this amazing relationship because of someone else's huge loss.  What are people who really know and understand adoption going to think/say?  How much am I part of the broken system and not part of the solution? What about all those kids in the state system who need forever families?

I don't know.  I'm guessing I'll never know. I hope doing my best will be good enough for the children in my care.

1 comment:

fairyhedgehog said...

I think the very fact that you're ambivalent about adoption - enjoying having the children but sad at the losses involved - must make you a better Mum to them.

In an ideal world, adoption wouldn't need to happen. But I've seen children living in very unhappy (natural) families and in many cases they would have been better with someone like you. In my opinion, of course.